I recently received an email from my mum with the subject heading “Dunhelm invisibility cloak”. The only words in the body were “Enjoy!” followed by three hyperlinks to Dunhelm’s website (a furniture store).

The first link was to a “Darcie the Deer” printed throw blanket. At first glance, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I mean, the colour was not really to my liking, but other than that it seemed like a regular, relatively inexpensive, blanket. My joy levels had not exactly skyrocketed.

I started to look at the photos. The first was very pleasant looking. The low light level provoked a comforting feeling. It was enhanced by the bright sunshine coming in from the window, which brought up thoughts of a cold winter’s morning.

This photographer clearly brought their A-game to this day of the photo shoot. The next day, not so much. The following photos reminded me of the time I used to run cross-country as a kid. I would bolt out at the start, giving maximum effort, to leap to the front of the field. After about 100 yards, however, I would run out of gas and spend the rest of the race just trying to make it to the finish.

I guess the photographer was told that they needed a photo showing how big the blanket was. So, did they lay it out over a sofa? Or even have a couple snuggled up under it?

Nope. Just chuck it over a wooden rail – good enough.

Or was it? I’m not sure the clients were all that happy. I mean, the blanket is kinda crinkled. Also, without a reference, it is difficult to tell its size.

Not to worry. The photographer clearly listened to all of the client’s concerns, producing this masterpiece:

I had many questions when I first saw this photo. The most pressing was: did the photographer intentionally ask their assistant to bring in deer slippers for the “Darcie the deer” blanket? or was it just a happy coincidence?

I moved on to the second link in the email my mum sent. It was another product called “Tao the tiger” oversized hoodie (who comes up with these names?). I sensed a similar theme when I gazed upon the first photo.

A nice sleek photo of a model in a slightly ridiculous hoodie. I could see myself confidently strutting around the house in a hoodie with sewn-on ears. But, I hear no one ask, does it look just as stylish on a hanger?

Erm, I really don’t know. Nevertheless! The photographer has provided you with the information you did not need!

I hear the voice of the client again in my head: “we need a photo of the back of the hoodie – and don’t pull the same chicanery as last time! It has to be a photo of the original model in the original room, okay? Is that clear?”. “Perfectly” the photographer must have responded.

Ah yes, the perfectly normal human activity of staring directly at the wall. “I give up… do what you want.” The client probably said in exasperation. They were sweet words to the photographer’s ears.

Image source: koko the Koala Onsie

The pièce de résistance

Who doesn’t love a brooding koala bear pillow plotting a crime? Bravo, Dunhelm photographer, bravo.