The Anxious Physicist

Personal blog of Dr Alex Mendelsohn

Welcome

Hello to everyone who happened upon this blog. My name is Alex Mendelsohn*. There isn’t much here in the form of sunshine and flowers (unfortunately, I couldn’t find those emoji’s – all I could find were these red flags: đźš©đźš©đźš©). Instead, you are free to feast on a collection of thoughts from a physicist going through severe mental illness. Yippee!**

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Critical thinking and Covid

Firstly, I have been working on a new blog called “The Psychiatric Multiverse” these last few months. I’m looking to explore various psychiatric issues through the lens of physics weirdness. It is taking quite a lot of research, but I hope the blog will be up and running by the end of the year. Consequently, I’m shifting this blog to be more personal and more thread of consciousnessy. On with today’s post!


My mum called her GP yesterday, enquiring how long she would have to wait for a blood test after contracting Covid (so as not to affect the results of the blood test). “Oh, Covid used to be severe as it was a novel virus. But now it’s been around a while and is no longer serious. It is more like the common cold”, was the reply (paraphrased). You could have fooled me a couple of months ago while my throat was burning, a fever pushing towards 39/40 Celsius (102/104 Fahrenheit) and an altered mental state that nearly required A&E (or ER).1

This claim threw me into disbelief. How can you possibly make the general statement that Covid is now as mild as the common cold, when it currently leads to the deaths of around 100 people per week in the UK? Such evidence is quite difficult to ignore.

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Reframing the career choice question – Summary

I received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give advice because of how complex people are. One piece of advice that might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them applied to their personal situation. I noted that my arguments might very well be complete rubbish!

The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the summary of my thoughts.

The blog post describes Alex’s struggle with making decisions when their mental illness and delusions have clouded their judgment. He compares the decision-making process to being dragged along rapids that split into multiple streams, each leading to a waterfall, with the only power being to choose which stream to go down and which waterfall to tumble over. Alex emphasizes the importance of gathering information, having conviction in the choice made, being responsible for the consequences, and being open to changing course if necessary. Alex acknowledges that their analogies are specific to their situation and that there is no overarching general rule that applies to all situations.


I don’t know in any moment whether I’m making the right decision. I’ve been in too many situations where my life depended on making the right decision when I knew that my brain was corrupted by mental illness and delusion. I have not faced anything more terrifying in my life. In those situations, I understood I knew way too little to make such decisions. But I also realised I would never get to the point where I would. Ultimately, I had no choice anyway.

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The importance of mathematics in Psychiatry and Neuroscience

I received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give advice because of how complicated people are. One piece of advice that might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them applied to their personal situation. I noted that much of what I wrote could be complete rubbish!

The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thought down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the fifth of five blog posts.

In this blog post, Alex discusses their interest in neuroscience and psychiatry and talks about the scientific method used in physics. They note that in many psychiatric papers, a “cheat” method has been used, which can never lead to a law, only patterns. Alex is frustrated with the vagueness and lack of mathematical understanding in psychiatric papers and plans to learn more about the fundamental mathematical theories of complexity and neuron function to gain a better understanding. He acknowledges their ignorance of most of the sciences involving the brain and welcomes corrections if they have made any mistakes.


At some point in the far future, I hope to work on something to do with neuroscience and/or psychiatry. I am writing this blog post just in case my opinion of what I think I can add to the subject is useful to the reader.

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How to find a fulfilling job that helps people (theoretically)

I received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help
about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give
advice because of how complex individuals can be. One piece of advice that
might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did
do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them apply to
their personal situation. I noted that what I wrote could be utter rubbish
!

The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the third of five blog posts.

The blog post discusses Alex’s search for a job that involves working with people who share their values and interests. He recommends looking into non-profit organizations and charity jobs, as well as utilizing resources like “80,000 hours” to find meaningful work that aligns with one’s values. Alex emphasizes the importance of working together with others to help those in need, as the emotional reward is stronger when working as a group. They suggest that an emotional education, such as active listening, is necessary for effectively helping others. Additionally, Alex suggests that highly skilled or uniquely skilled people can make a significant impact in helping those in need.


As much as the motivational videos try to make it out that you can go it alone through force of will, I have most definitely found that you can’t. The strongest motivational mood state I have experienced is when I’ve been trying to help someone else. The emotional reward is even stronger when a group of us work together to try to help someone or a group of people I care about. The emotional reward I receive lasts, it pervades through the years.

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The time psychiatry forgot about notation: the 12-hour lithium level

This article is about the recently published article Dr Aftab and I have published in the Psychiatric Times: Future Proofing Lithium Pharmacokinetic Research


I know that lithium pharmacokinetics is not exactly the sexiest subject in the world. I definitely know that the proper use of notation isn’t.

However, improper (or lack of) use of notations in research can cause an otherwise good research paper to be uninterpretable.

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On the big questions

I received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give advice because of how complex individuals can be. One piece of advice that might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them apply to their personal situation. I noted that what I wrote could be complete rubbish!

The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the fourth of five blog posts.

This blog post discusses Alex’s personal experiences with anxiety and how it affected their perception of the “big questions” in life. They came to the realisation that framing decision-making based on their mood state rather than logical frameworks made more sense for them. They also believe that answering small questions can lead to a better understanding of the bigger picture. Alex suggests that the big question of “what is free will?” may not be the correct question to ask based on their experience with mental illness.


When I became severely anxious overnight, suddenly, some of the big questions became extremely important. But funnily enough, they all seemed to revolve around death and dying. After my severe reaction, I have given no thought at all as to whether free will exists or the hallmark of a life well lived.

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Identity

I received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help
about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give
advice because of how complex individuals can be. One piece of advice that
might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did
do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them apply to
their personal situation. I noted that what I wrote could be utter rubbish
!

The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts
down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone
else finds value in my experiences. This is the second of five blog posts
.

Alex used to define themselves solely through their work as a physicist, but found it harmful to their mental health as they would take criticism of their work heavily. They also identified other risks to this philosophy, such as becoming stuck in a role and going against moral convictions. After counselling sessions, they started defining themselves outside of their job as well, and explored various interests and hobbies. This change in identity allowed them to take more calculated risks and feel a greater sense of freedom.


Before my rare severe reaction to an antidepressant, I used to define myself through what I did. i.e. “I am a physicist”. This, I found, was quite dangerous for my mental wellbeing. I would take criticism of my work really heavily – it was one of the many factors that contributed to my growing depression (which ultimately led me to take an antidepressant that caused my severe reaction). I was unable to separate who I was from what I did.

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Reframing the career choice question

I received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give advice because of how complex individuals can be. One piece of advice that might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them apply to their personal situation. I noted that what I wrote could be utter rubbish!

The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the first of five blog posts.

Alex shares their thoughts on career choice, based on their personal experience. They changed their perspective from “what do I want to do with my life?” to “who do I want to work with for the rest of my life?” after undergoing counselling. They realized that finding a job with people who share similar values and interests is more important than the job itself. Alex encourages readers to consider the people they will be working with when making career choices, and to prioritize finding a work environment that aligns with their values and personality.


Up until my severe reaction to an antidepressant, I viewed the ‘career’ question as: What do I want to do with my life? After around a hundred sessions of counselling or so, this question changed to: Who do I want to work with for the rest of my life?

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How I think physicists can help psychiatric education

I believe that physicists can help with the education process of both clinicians and research psychiatrists. However, I can only go on my experience of being treated by psychiatrists and the papers I have read within the psychiatric literature. I have very little knowledge of how psychiatrists are trained or of psychiatric research culture.

This blog post was adapted from notes I sent to one of the editors when constructing my Lancet Psychiatry article in the May 2023 editionLithium Story: Eight Guidelines, Eight Recommendations“.

The blog post discusses how physicists could contribute to the education and practice of both clinicians and research psychiatrists in the field of psychiatry. Alex draws from their own experiences as a patient, as well as their understanding of physics and its approach to learning and problem-solving.

For Clinicians: Alex suggests that physicists could assist clinicians in gaining a deeper understanding of the concepts and guidelines they use in psychiatric practice. He highlights that physicists are skilled at questioning assumptions and embracing unconventional perspectives, as seen in the field of physics where concepts are constantly reevaluated. This approach could help clinicians question their own understanding and challenge existing guidelines, leading to a more profound comprehension of psychiatric practices.

For Researchers: Physics, according to Alex, deals with analyzing simple systems using straightforward mathematical models, while biology, including psychiatry, deals with complex systems and intricate mathematical models. Alex believes that physicists’ education equips them to find simplicity within complexity and identify patterns in data. He notes that physicists are encouraged to embrace their mistakes and revisions, which is vital for progress. Alex highlights his Lancet Psychiatry article that exemplifies a physics-like approach to psychiatric research, emphasizing evidence-based arguments and clear definitions. He argues that psychiatric researchers could benefit from adopting a culture that values clarity, experimentation, and the acceptance of being wrong.


Clinicians

It was clear to me during my lithium treatment that clinicians would be using words to describe certain practices, without understanding the meaning behind those words. For example, using the phrase “morning trough1 level” to apply to a 12-hour level approximately halfway between peak and trough lithium concentrations in my bloodstream. I believe physicists can help clinicians to think about the meaning behind guidelines.

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