Personal blog of Dr Alex Mendelsohn
I had a severe reaction to an antidepressant which, overnight, turned me from someone who had no anxiety symptoms whatsoever, to someone who had all of them. I then spent 8 months learning psychological methods (a lot of which I came up with myself) to 'reanimate my Frankenstein brain'. I then returned to my physics PhD where I finished the last 3 years of my PhD in 20 minute intervals, meditating in between to keep myself functional. After I finished, I collapsed from exhaustion, due to the slow progression of my physiological illness. I spent a harrowing couple of years in an indescribable hell, before we eventually got to medications that finally started to work. I am still recovering, but the closest to remission since that awful night in November 2015.
When I was 22, I made a mistake—one that many young people make when trying to start a career. As the workload in the first year of my PhD built up, I worked harder and harder, and my social circle grew smaller and smaller.
I tried to correct course. I got counselling, I took an antidepressant, and the rest is history.
Continue readingFirstly, I have been working on a new blog called “The Psychiatric Multiverse” these last few months. I’m looking to explore various psychiatric issues through the lens of physics weirdness. It is taking quite a lot of research, but I hope the blog will be up and running by the end of the year. Consequently, I’m shifting this blog to be more personal and more thread of consciousnessy. On with today’s post!
My mum called her GP yesterday, enquiring how long she would have to wait for a blood test after contracting Covid (so as not to affect the results of the blood test). “Oh, Covid used to be severe as it was a novel virus. But now it’s been around a while and is no longer serious. It is more like the common cold”, was the reply (paraphrased). You could have fooled me a couple of months ago while my throat was burning, a fever pushing towards 39/40 Celsius (102/104 Fahrenheit) and an altered mental state that nearly required A&E (or ER).1
This claim threw me into disbelief. How can you possibly make the general statement that Covid is now as mild as the common cold, when it currently leads to the deaths of around 100 people per week in the UK? Such evidence is quite difficult to ignore.
Continue readingI received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give advice because of how complex people are. One piece of advice that might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them applied to their personal situation. I noted that my arguments might very well be complete rubbish!
The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the summary of my thoughts.
I don’t know in any moment whether I’m making the right decision. I’ve been in too many situations where my life depended on making the right decision when I knew that my brain was corrupted by mental illness and delusion. I have not faced anything more terrifying in my life. In those situations, I understood I knew way too little to make such decisions. But I also realised I would never get to the point where I would. Ultimately, I had no choice anyway.
Continue readingI received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give advice because of how complicated people are. One piece of advice that might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them applied to their personal situation. I noted that much of what I wrote could be complete rubbish!
The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thought down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the fifth of five blog posts.
At some point in the far future, I hope to work on something to do with neuroscience and/or psychiatry. I am writing this blog post just in case my opinion of what I think I can add to the subject is useful to the reader.
Continue readingI received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help
about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give
advice because of how complex individuals can be. One piece of advice that
might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did
do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them apply to
their personal situation. I noted that what I wrote could be utter rubbish!
The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the third of five blog posts.
As much as the motivational videos try to make it out that you can go it alone through force of will, I have most definitely found that you can’t. The strongest motivational mood state I have experienced is when I’ve been trying to help someone else. The emotional reward is even stronger when a group of us work together to try to help someone or a group of people I care about. The emotional reward I receive lasts, it pervades through the years.
Continue readingThis article is about the recently published article Dr Aftab and I have published in the Psychiatric Times: Future Proofing Lithium Pharmacokinetic Research
I know that lithium pharmacokinetics is not exactly the sexiest subject in the world. I definitely know that the proper use of notation isn’t.
However, improper (or lack of) use of notations in research can cause an otherwise good research paper to be uninterpretable.
Continue readingI received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give advice because of how complex individuals can be. One piece of advice that might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them apply to their personal situation. I noted that what I wrote could be complete rubbish!
The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the fourth of five blog posts.
When I became severely anxious overnight, suddenly, some of the big questions became extremely important. But funnily enough, they all seemed to revolve around death and dying. After my severe reaction, I have given no thought at all as to whether free will exists or the hallmark of a life well lived.
Continue readingI received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help
about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give
advice because of how complex individuals can be. One piece of advice that
might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did
do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them apply to
their personal situation. I noted that what I wrote could be utter rubbish!
The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts
down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone
else finds value in my experiences. This is the second of five blog posts.
Before my rare severe reaction to an antidepressant, I used to define myself through what I did. i.e. “I am a physicist”. This, I found, was quite dangerous for my mental wellbeing. I would take criticism of my work really heavily – it was one of the many factors that contributed to my growing depression (which ultimately led me to take an antidepressant that caused my severe reaction). I was unable to separate who I was from what I did.
Continue readingI received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give advice because of how complex individuals can be. One piece of advice that might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them apply to their personal situation. I noted that what I wrote could be utter rubbish!
The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the first of five blog posts.
Up until my severe reaction to an antidepressant, I viewed the ‘career’ question as: What do I want to do with my life? After around a hundred sessions of counselling or so, this question changed to: Who do I want to work with for the rest of my life?
Continue readingI believe that physicists can help with the education process of both clinicians and research psychiatrists. However, I can only go on my experience of being treated by psychiatrists and the papers I have read within the psychiatric literature. I have very little knowledge of how psychiatrists are trained or of psychiatric research culture.
This blog post was adapted from notes I sent to one of the editors when constructing my Lancet Psychiatry article in the May 2023 edition –“Lithium Story: Eight Guidelines, Eight Recommendations“.
It was clear to me during my lithium treatment that clinicians would be using words to describe certain practices, without understanding the meaning behind those words. For example, using the phrase “morning trough1 level” to apply to a 12-hour level approximately halfway between peak and trough lithium concentrations in my bloodstream. I believe physicists can help clinicians to think about the meaning behind guidelines.
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