The Anxious Physicist

Personal blog of Dr Alex Mendelsohn

Category: Thoughts (Page 1 of 3)

Critical thinking and Covid

July 13, 2024 /

Firstly, I have been working on a new blog called “The Psychiatric Multiverse” these last few months. I’m looking to explore various psychiatric issues through the lens of physics weirdness. It is taking quite a lot of research, but I hope the blog will be up and running by the end of the year. Consequently, I’m shifting this blog to be more personal and more thread of consciousnessy. On with today’s post!

My mum called her GP yesterday, enquiring how long she would have to wait for a blood test after contracting Covid (so as not to affect the results of the blood test). “Oh, Covid used to be severe as it was a novel virus. But now it’s been around a while and is no longer serious. It is more like the common cold”, was the reply (paraphrased). You could have fooled me a couple of months ago while my throat was burning, a fever pushing towards 39/40 Celsius (102/104 Fahrenheit) and an altered mental state that nearly required A&E (or ER).1

This claim threw me into disbelief. How can you possibly make the general statement that Covid is now as mild as the common cold, when it currently leads to the deaths of around 100 people per week in the UK? Such evidence is quite difficult to ignore.

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Reframing the career choice question – Summary

May 17, 2024 /

I received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give advice because of how complex people are. One piece of advice that might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them applied to their personal situation. I noted that my arguments might very well be complete rubbish!

The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the summary of my thoughts.

The blog post describes Alex’s struggle with making decisions when their mental illness and delusions have clouded their judgment. He compares the decision-making process to being dragged along rapids that split into multiple streams, each leading to a waterfall, with the only power being to choose which stream to go down and which waterfall to tumble over. Alex emphasizes the importance of gathering information, having conviction in the choice made, being responsible for the consequences, and being open to changing course if necessary. Alex acknowledges that their analogies are specific to their situation and that there is no overarching general rule that applies to all situations.

I don’t know in any moment whether I’m making the right decision. I’ve been in too many situations where my life depended on making the right decision when I knew that my brain was corrupted by mental illness and delusion. I have not faced anything more terrifying in my life. In those situations, I understood I knew way too little to make such decisions. But I also realised I would never get to the point where I would. Ultimately, I had no choice anyway.

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The importance of mathematics in Psychiatry and Neuroscience

April 19, 2024 /

I received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give advice because of how complicated people are. One piece of advice that might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them applied to their personal situation. I noted that much of what I wrote could be complete rubbish!

The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thought down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the fifth of five blog posts.

In this blog post, Alex discusses their interest in neuroscience and psychiatry and talks about the scientific method used in physics. They note that in many psychiatric papers, a “cheat” method has been used, which can never lead to a law, only patterns. Alex is frustrated with the vagueness and lack of mathematical understanding in psychiatric papers and plans to learn more about the fundamental mathematical theories of complexity and neuron function to gain a better understanding. He acknowledges their ignorance of most of the sciences involving the brain and welcomes corrections if they have made any mistakes.

At some point in the far future, I hope to work on something to do with neuroscience and/or psychiatry. I am writing this blog post just in case my opinion of what I think I can add to the subject is useful to the reader.

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How to find a fulfilling job that helps people (theoretically)

March 15, 2024 /

I received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help
about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give
advice because of how complex individuals can be. One piece of advice that
might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did
do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them apply to
their personal situation. I noted that what I wrote could be utter rubbish!

The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the third of five blog posts.

The blog post discusses Alex’s search for a job that involves working with people who share their values and interests. He recommends looking into non-profit organizations and charity jobs, as well as utilizing resources like “80,000 hours” to find meaningful work that aligns with one’s values. Alex emphasizes the importance of working together with others to help those in need, as the emotional reward is stronger when working as a group. They suggest that an emotional education, such as active listening, is necessary for effectively helping others. Additionally, Alex suggests that highly skilled or uniquely skilled people can make a significant impact in helping those in need.

As much as the motivational videos try to make it out that you can go it alone through force of will, I have most definitely found that you can’t. The strongest motivational mood state I have experienced is when I’ve been trying to help someone else. The emotional reward is even stronger when a group of us work together to try to help someone or a group of people I care about. The emotional reward I receive lasts, it pervades through the years.

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Identity

January 19, 2024 /

I received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help
about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give
advice because of how complex individuals can be. One piece of advice that
might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did
do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them apply to
their personal situation. I noted that what I wrote could be utter rubbish!

The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts
down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone
else finds value in my experiences. This is the second of five blog posts.

Alex used to define themselves solely through their work as a physicist, but found it harmful to their mental health as they would take criticism of their work heavily. They also identified other risks to this philosophy, such as becoming stuck in a role and going against moral convictions. After counselling sessions, they started defining themselves outside of their job as well, and explored various interests and hobbies. This change in identity allowed them to take more calculated risks and feel a greater sense of freedom.

Before my rare severe reaction to an antidepressant, I used to define myself through what I did. i.e. “I am a physicist”. This, I found, was quite dangerous for my mental wellbeing. I would take criticism of my work really heavily – it was one of the many factors that contributed to my growing depression (which ultimately led me to take an antidepressant that caused my severe reaction). I was unable to separate who I was from what I did.

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Reframing the career choice question

December 15, 2023 /

I received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give advice because of how complex individuals can be. One piece of advice that might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them apply to their personal situation. I noted that what I wrote could be utter rubbish!

The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone else finds value in my experiences. This is the first of five blog posts.

Alex shares their thoughts on career choice, based on their personal experience. They changed their perspective from “what do I want to do with my life?” to “who do I want to work with for the rest of my life?” after undergoing counselling. They realized that finding a job with people who share similar values and interests is more important than the job itself. Alex encourages readers to consider the people they will be working with when making career choices, and to prioritize finding a work environment that aligns with their values and personality.

Up until my severe reaction to an antidepressant, I viewed the ‘career’ question as: What do I want to do with my life? After around a hundred sessions of counselling or so, this question changed to: Who do I want to work with for the rest of my life?

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Breaking the connection with my smartphone

September 15, 2023 /

Alex claims that while smartphones are undoubtedly useful, they are also one of the fiercest opponents he has encountered in terms of mental health. The short, sharp, and seemingly never-ending rewards they offer can be intoxicating and almost impossible to remove once latched onto. Alex tried several methods to separate himself from his attention-sucking device, but nothing worked. He then tried using a screenless mp3 player, but the battery life was too short. Alex then decided to use a smartwatch as a proxy mp3 player to help break his connection with his smartphone. He was initially concerned about the battery life, but the expensive model he bought had a large battery that allowed him to use it throughout the day without needing to charge it constantly. Alex claims that he is finally free of the grip of his smartphone, although he still needs to use it occasionally.

Smartphones are the devil.

Okay, bit harsh. Smartphones are undoubtedly very useful. The “I got lost” excuse for arriving late is not valid anymore – a quick few taps in your mobile map app of choice and you can instantly find out where you are (and where you should be).

In terms of good mental health, however, smartphones are one of the fiercest opponents I have encountered. It isn’t necessarily the magnitude of the effect they have on my mood. It is the smartphone’s ability to cling to my brain like a leech. They are almost impossible to remove once latched. The short, sharp and seemingly neverending rewards smartphones offer are intoxicating. And this is putting it mildly.

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I also hung my washing outside last winter – it was a terrible idea

June 16, 2023 /

The blog post describes Alex’s attempt to save money on energy bills by hanging clothes outside to dry during the winter in the UK, using a rotary airer under a gazebo to protect the clothes from the rain. He experienced several setbacks, including the realization that the heating bill, not the electricity bill, was the primary concern, the clothes taking up to three days to dry in single-digit temperatures, and the rotary-gazebo airer failing during a storm. Additionally, Alex‘s dog used the gazebo as a toilet during rainstorms which caused problems. Ultimately, the author found that using a dryer was more cost-effective than the rotary airer method.

I am very fortunate that the current cost of living crisis in the UK only mildly affects me. It means I can afford to be creative when coming up with money-saving ideas without the consequences most would suffer if the idea didn’t work.

By the end of the summer of 2022 (I’ve just had 40-degree Celsius heatwave flashbacks, eurgh) the intensity of my generalised anxiety lowered to the point of being able to go outside and hang my washing out on my own.

I wanted to prepare for the winter ahead and the astronomical energy bills. After about ten minutes of solid googling, I discovered that the primary energy culprit in the home was dryers.

If I had persisted for at least ten more minutes of googling, I would have discovered that the electricity bill was not the one to be worried about – it was the heating bill. This was reason number one why hanging my clothes outside in winter was a terrible idea.

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Last winter I decided to disregard GMT and stay at BST: why isn’t this a thing yet?!

March 26, 2023 /

The blog post describes the experience of dealing with the time shift that happens twice a year due to daylight saving time. Alex decided to stick to British Summer Time (BST) and adjust half of the clocks in their house to GMT, instead of adjusting their medication schedule. Initially confusing, Alex became accustomed to this change and felt that their mood was significantly better due to the later daylight hours of BST. Alex argues that year-round daylight saving time could be a better option than switching back and forth between BST and GMT.

There are very few upsides to living with a severe mental illness. One of them is quite a bit of free time. Previous times the clocks have gone back have been a nuisance to me. Especially since I started taking antidepressants. For whatever reason, my brain is very sensitive to the time I take them. If I take my dose late, even by only half an hour, my reality is thrown from side to side like a ship in rough seas.

To be taken safely, my medications have to be taken a set time apart (therefore at fixed intervals in the day). This means that twice a year the time I take my medication shifts by an hour each day. Why don’t you take your medication at the same time all year round? I hear you ask…

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The errors of Matt Hancock: A Yoda-inspired analysis

March 4, 2023 /

With the ongoing uncertainty regarding one of my medications not looking to end anytime soon, I have tried to distract myself with other absurdities going on in the world. In this blog post, I have combined two: ChatGPT and Matt Hancock. I hope that regardless of your political background, you agree that the UK health secretary during the covid-19 pandemic, Matt Hancock, made many mistakes (some with terrible consequences). I have been in and out of the loop of his, frankly, bizarre story. So, I asked ChatGPT to write an article for me by the wisest person I could think of… Yoda.

Mistakes, Matt Hancock made, hmmm? The Conservative politician, he was, yes. Many errors, he made, hmm? Mistakes, let us discuss.

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