I received an email from a very nice person seeking advice and help
about their future career choice. I replied saying that I don’t usually give
advice because of how complex individuals can be. One piece of advice that
might work for one person, may be detrimental to another. However, what I did
do was speak from my own experiences – hoping that themes within them apply to
their personal situation. I noted that what I wrote could be utter rubbish!
The email correspondence between us helped me to get some of my thoughts
down on paper. And, I would like to put them up on my blog just in case someone
else finds value in my experiences. This is the second of five blog posts.
Before my rare severe reaction to an antidepressant, I used to define myself through what I did. i.e. “I am a physicist”. This, I found, was quite dangerous for my mental wellbeing. I would take criticism of my work really heavily – it was one of the many factors that contributed to my growing depression (which ultimately led me to take an antidepressant that caused my severe reaction). I was unable to separate who I was from what I did.
There are many other reasons why this philosophy wasn’t good for me e.g. there was a risk of becoming “stuck” in a role, I was afraid of losing my job, I would sometimes go going against moral convictions because of my identity etc.
After loads of counselling sessions, I started to define myself, as well, Alex. Outside the PhD I went on an acting course, I started to write articles, I gave talks on counselling, I coded things and I played quirky sports like Korfball. If I found an interest in something, I would try and learn how to do it. All of these activities helped me to do my PhD. I realised that most, if not all, skill sets are linked in some way.
This change in identity took a lot of the pressure off my job as a physicist. It was only a small aspect of who I was as a person. It allowed a greater sense of freedom and I was more likely to take calculated risks.
